I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
