I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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