I got her a Nickelback box set.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I supernannyed him into submission
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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