I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
