6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So many bounce houses so little time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
