im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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