I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
