two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
