Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
