shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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