the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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