had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
