...so i touched it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
