I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
