I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's always time for handjobs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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