Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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