I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
