I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
