Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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