I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Randomize
