So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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