i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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