It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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