whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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