In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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