You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize