Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
