She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
