There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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