i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
