Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
