I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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