so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
