Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
