It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize