I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
