Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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