I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
