batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
