You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
