from now on my penis is your penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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