Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
time to smoke my breakfast
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
