I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
