it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
