I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
