I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
