the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
