my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
