He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
