i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
