I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
