Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
