ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Couch. On fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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