Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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