maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
