she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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