hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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