Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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