I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
