ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
