yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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