You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize