You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
