she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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