we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
