she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Every concussion has its silver lining
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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