why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
