i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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