can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
