But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize