I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
