So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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