Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
