Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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