9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
