The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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