Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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