sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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