there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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