Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize