I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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