my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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