There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
