1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
not ubering you a puppy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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