i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
