we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
