it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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