I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize