I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
