yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
