so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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