remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
