Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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