it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
