you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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