I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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