Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
