can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
