ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize